Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Giving Tree
Approaching the giant Christmas tree at the center of the J.R. Reed Space Terminal, Samantha Carter drew in her breath. Almost on cue, strands of lights illuminated, as if her presence had been the catalyst. The tree was the crowning touch of D.C.'s holiday decorations, and it was said no viewing of seasonal lights was complete without a visit to the Terminal. It wasn't the reason she was here. For her, it was the display's proximity to the Stargate that had been her draw.
Ever since the 'gate had been made public, and moved to the Terminal, Sam had made it a tradition to spend Christmas Eve amidst the bustle of last minute shoppers and people hurrying to get to destinations before the actual day of celebration. It wasn't like her to embrace the frenetic confusion, but she had little choice if she wanted to be here on this particular day. Sometimes Joe accompanied her, but most times
not. He was either wrapping up some diplomatic loose ends, or she encouraged him to let her have this time alone. He knew what the Stargate meant to her, and what this day in particular meant. It was
the day Kinsey had effectively shut down the SGC with the reveal of the 'gate to the citizens of Earth, ten years ago.
Robert Kinsey, then senator and presidential hopeful, took it upon himself to tell the world about the existence of the Stargate, claiming it was his "Christmas gift to the world." He'd staged the reveal perfectly-- just in time to kick off the upcoming campaign season. While it hadn't won him the election, it had been instrumental in
becoming Vice President, a mere step from the office he now held. Even with her connections to the oval office through Joe, Sam had never been able to figure out how Kinsey managed to wrest the presidency from Henry Hayes.
Sighing, and shaking her head, Sam tried to drop the depressing thoughts. Reminiscing was usually what she did on this night, but not about politics, and most certainly not about Kinsey. Old feelings of camaraderie and the life she lived when she'd still been in the Air Force were what she was here to remember.
Gazing at the 'gate, Sam's lip's quirked into a small smile. The scorch mark on the upper right curve of the Stargate was still there. It was comforting to see the "war wound" scarring the finish of the 'gate. The mark had come from some of her first tests to find a way to power the device. There'd been a feedback loop which had blown the circuit, and thrown Siler several feet from the ramp. Fortunately neither the 'gate nor the technician had been seriously damaged.
Of course no visit was complete without a mental roll call of her former teammates and co-workers. She felt her throat constrict as she thought of General Hammond. Her tolerant yet firm commander for most of her
tenure at the SGC. She missed him terribly since he'd passed away. They'd grown even closer since the death of her father, and now she felt as if she'd lost two parents. Adrift, with no one to turn to for
advice.
Teal'c and Daniel she'd recently connected with after the trumped-up awards ceremony. They all knew it wasn't about honoring SG-1, but once again drawing attention to Kinsey and how it was he who'd seen the
Stargate's potential and revealed it to the planet. It had felt like old times as they'd worked on a plan to try to turn back time, and hopefully erase this future. They obviously hadn't succeeded as everything was the way it had always been. The only sign they might have done something, was the slight "hiccup" of her surroundings, as she lay on the stairs leading to the Stargate. Joe had managed to shut down the defense grid, sparing her life as well as Daniel and Teal'c's. Perhaps that had been the defining moment. Perhaps if they had
sacrificed themselves for their cause, they would have managed to pull off the impossible. Again. She'd never know. If only Jack had consented to join them. Their chances would have more than doubled. She couldn't blame him, it was the wildest of goose chases, but she thought he would have come along to vent some of his aggression against the Aschen.
Jack, she thought. Now there's a whole other can of worms. It was inevitable his memory would assail her. How could it not when she saw him as the embodiment of her years with the Stargate Program? She still regretted their falling out, for so many reasons. Her decision to marry Joe had been largely based on his rejection, not to mention the way SG-1 simply fell apart, like replicators shot with a pulse disrupter.
Sam hadn't realized how dead-on he'd been about the Aschen. How he'd seen through their promises and sleight-of-hand was beyond her. She considered herself fairly intelligent, but she'd been taken in with the rest of the population, embracing their technology and their medicine. Now she was paying the price. They all were. Almost unconsciously, her hand strayed to her abdomen, mourning the life that would never grow
there.
It was another reason she'd come this evening. Besides being a showpiece, the Christmas tree in the Terminal had the distinction of being one of the world's largest giving trees. Tags from hundreds of children fluttered on the branches of the tree, a sad statement that even with the improvements the Aschen had brought, there were still children in need. She'd never have a child of her own, but she could help someone else's have a Merry Christmas.
Stepping up to the tree, she selected the first tag that caught her eye. It was cut out in the shape of a Christmas tree, folded to keep the identity of the recipient discreet, and a number to help match up the gift with the child. This particular tree specified the age and sex of the receiver, but no other clues as to what the child might actually want. Sam opened the card and saw: girl, age 7 printed inside. As she looked up, she spotted and older man, a quarter way around the tree, reaching for a tag. The short, silver hair was unmistakable and Sam
sucked in her breath.
"Sir?" Sam asked, hoping to be heard over the milling crowd. She must have spoke up enough for him to hear her, for his head turned in her direction. The look he gave her was one of surprise, mingled with embarrassment. There wasn't any resentment, but neither was there joy in seeing her standing across the way from him.
Sam couldn't believe it. Jack was here! Her mind struggled to wrap around the knowledge he was only a few feet away. She started towards him and was surprised to see him holding his ground, doing nothing to
facilitate their meeting. He was tapping the card he'd chosen agains his fingers, the nervous gesture drew her eyes to his hands, away from the puzzling look he had on his face.
"Carter," he said evenly when she stopped before him. Sam was so happy to see him, she almost hugged him, but the way he was looking at her held her in check. That and when she thought about hugging her former
CO, she realized how inappropriate her reaction to him had been.
"It's good to see you, sir! Um, Jack," she amended. "I must say, I never thought to see you outside of Minnesota!" Her tone was overly-bright, but she couldn't help herself. She hadn't made a Christmas wish, but if she had, seeing him again would have been on the top of her list.
"Didn't really expect to be outside of Minnesota myself," he said, his expression thawing. "I'm not really sure what brought me here. It's my first time." She could see it would be. With the way he felt about the Aschen, what happened to the Stargate program, and burned bridges with the leaders of the planet, she could understand why this was the last place he'd want to be.
Jack gazed around the Terminal "I love what they've done with the place. A bit pretentious though, don'tcha think, with all the spotlights on the 'gate? Kind of looks like a concert stage."
"It's for security," she said, momentarily distracted from the questions racing around her mind. There were so many, she couldn't decide which to ask first.
"Ah, yes. Security. To keep invaders in or out?" His sarcasm was both annoying and welcoming at the same time. It was a comfort he hadn't changed all that much, but it seemed as if it were his bad habits he'd
embraced.
"Si. . .Jack, why are you here? Unless it's to spread your own brand of holiday cheer."
Jack smiled at that, relaxing slightly for the first time since they'd come face-to-face. "Glad to see they haven't sucked all the 'Carter' out of you."
Sam struggled against a smile of her own. "They've tried." She looked around at the tree, the crowds of people were basically ignoring their fellow shoppers and travelers. She purposely relaxed her shoulders.
"Really, what are you doing here?"
"Aside from taking a tag from the Giving Tree?"
"Aside from that."
Jack inhaled, then puffed out his cheeks as he released his breath.
"'Tis the Season," he answered quietly.
"The season?"
"To start again. Turn over a new leaf, embrace new resolutions, out with the old, in with the new. . . ." He seemed to have run out of cliche's or steam, she wasn't sure which. She was forming a question
when he continued. "I came here because I thought maybe, just maybe you'd come here. If you were going to show, I knew tonight would be the night.
Sam felt her eyes grow wide. "How did you. . . "
"Know this would be the day? Carter, I've known you for a long time. Even if we haven't had much contact, I still remember anniversaries are very important to you." Sam looked away. She didn't want him to gaze
into her eyes and see he'd been right. Her throat constricted not only because anniversaries were important to her, but because he remembered. That he'd cared enough about her to notice her habits and recall them
all these years later. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Sam turned back to him.
"So, what do you want from me, Jack? Just forget the last ten years happened? Just pretend it was no big deal you couldn't be bothered to help Teal'c, Daniel, Janet and me? Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference if you'd been there when we attempted to send a note back through time. We'll never know, will we? Because this is the 'future' we have now, and we're stuck with it."
Sam was surprised at the anger in her voice. She thought she'd been okay with his refusal. A little hurt, perhaps by his brusque rebuke, but in all honesty, she would have been surprised if he'd come on board.
The card in Jack's hand tapped harder and faster against his fingers. "This was a bad idea," he said. "I guess I let the sentimentality of the season get to me. Like always." He started to turn but Sam stopped him.
"Jack, wait." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly to get control of her emotions. How was it he always did that? Made her feel like she was the one who had to make concessions and smooth things over?
She opened her eyes and looked at him. Really looked. He'd aged since he'd left the SGC, more than the rest of them since he'd refused the anti-aging vaccine. In hindsight, she wished she'd aged along with him.
For more reasons than one.
"Don't go," she said. "Please." He stopped, looked back over his shoulder, then turned to face her.
"I do this every year," he said, holding up the tag. The shift in conversation took her a bit by surprise, but a small smile came to her lips. It was such a typical Jack thing to do. Drop the difficult topic in favor of something generic, something with no feelings attached. However, this time he walked squarely into the emotion. Sam didn't need him to tell her he took tags off of giving trees in memory of Charlie, but he seemed to want to explain the ritual to her.
"I suppose I could go to his grave, but he's not there. Not my bright, exuberant boy."
Sam had never heard Jack speak of Charlie. She was aware he missed his son, thought of him daily, but he'd never talked about him, at least not to her. She wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. She stood there, afraid to move in case it broke the spell.
"He was such a happy kid, you know?" he asked, looking up at her as if she could attest to his happiness. "All he wanted was to be like his old man," he smirked. "Boy, was he misguided!" Sam gave him a watery
smile.
"The thing is," Jack continued. "I know he wasn't trying to hurt anyone with the gun. Or even pretending to 'shoot the bad guys.' He was just a kid in awe of what his dad did, and the gun was part of that." Sam
took a step forward and squeezed his wrist. Jack looked back up at her and opened his hand, giving her room to slide her fingers into his warm palm and squeeze again.
"It was an accident," she told him in a choked whisper. Jack's eyes looked decidedly misty as he nodded, switching his gaze to the toes of his shoes.
"It's taken me a long time to realize that, but I finally have. It doesn't mean I don't still miss him. Especially at Christmas." Sam was surprised at Jack's new-found maturity, and thought the life of a hermit had actually been a benefit to him.
"Living in the woods gives one perspective," he grinned, almost as if he knew he'd read her mind.
"Christmas is a time for families," Sam agreed, holding up her own card. "I'll never have one, so I thought I'd start a new tradition and create my own. I've just had a girl," she grinned "and she's seven years-old."
Jack opened his tag and read, "Boy, 8. Would you look at that," he said. "Same age Charlie was. Maybe our kids are cousins or something." Sam gave him a genuine smile, liking the idea the children could be
related.
"Never have a family?" he asked, eyebrows quirked in disbelief. "I'm sure your ambassador. . . ."
Sam wished Jack would have missed her off-handed remark. "We split up," she answered tersely. She could see he wanted to ask the question, but she continued on before he could voice it. "I'll tell you about it, but
we can't talk here."
Jack's eyebrows rose even higher. "Coffee?" he offered.
Sam nodded. "Some place noisy and crowded. There's a shop around the corner."
She certainly hadn't planned this, but once the thought had taken root, Sam embraced it, deciding to break her vow with the government and disclose what she knew. She'd kept major secrets for most of her life.
Was this any different? Maybe because it was Jack, and if anyone on Earth could be trusted, it was him. Maybe it was because she thought he might have a solution and Humans really weren't down for the count. Or
perhaps it was she was now a convert to his hatred of the Aschen. Whatever the reason, she wanted to tell Jack what she'd discovered, despite the risk.
Jack was waving his hand before her eyes. "Sam?"
"Oh, sorry. Just thinking about what to get my girl," she said, changing gears, falling in step with Jack as he made his way towards the exit.
"I'm thinking whatever needs the most batteries and makes the most noise," he grinned.
"I was thinking of something a little more low-tech,"
"Really? You?"
Sam smiled at him as the idea blossomed. "If I can find it, I'm thinking a Major Matt Mason doll."
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